Thursday, August 14, 2008


somethings in life are in your control, and some things you can only watch as they follow a predestined trajectory of events, feelings, meetings, coincidences, loves, losts, whatever. and something are a crossroad, where you can either leave it up to the gods and the universe, sigh, and sit back, distracted, or you can take them by the hand and make them yours if you so resolve. Many times Ive felt that this relationship was at a crossroad. and i think all relationships are often that way. and i think every time ive decided to make in my control, and try to do what feels right. and i think every time its been worth it. but sometimes i wonder if its recognized. Clearly, girls have different needs in relationships than guys. girls, for example, have to remind themselves that there is a million other things happening for them, good, great, things, so why do they focus on the tiniest,most oblivious detail? With guys, its the opposite. so many things are happening so they forget about the details. to each is their virture.
i dont really want to talk about girls and guys as if i understand them. but i can talk about myself. i know that there was a day when i felt that this guy i was seeing, it would never work out because we couldnt have real conversations. and i know that know, you're the person i want to talk to the most at certain moments. and you're the person i talk to the least,obviously, because you're gone.But when i feel alone, or overwhelmed, or when i feel stressed, or when i feel like im becoming a computer because of how much i stare at the screen at work, or when i feel so depressed about how difficult it is to live in egypt as a young woman, when every time i walk into the streets its a battle and i have to prove myself with every asshole passing by with something to say, or when i feel disgusted because i find something out about government, and politics, and greed and i feel like im bursting out of my skin to do something about it, and when i feel passionate and alive and young and feminine, and content because i actually get an idea about WHAT i want to do about it, I think of you. and i think sometimes that i have so many thoughts that my mind cant handle. there's a song i love and the line goes 'mind is a razor blade'.

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